The Last Man


If this were a century ago, I might be freaking out about this. To the extent of my knowledge of my family, I am the last of the Scarpelli men on this continent. There are other Scarpelli’s (more than you might think), but they’re not related to me. Should I not produce a boy, in all likelihood that’s the whole ballgame.

Of course, the bloodline continues, but the name does not. Assuming of course my sister has a kid in a marriage and she’s taken her husband’s last name. I’m pretty sure in reading that she either made a “pfffft” or “snrxk” noise as she either rolled her eyes dismissively, or choked on something she was eating.

Whenever anyone asks Janelle and me what we’re hoping to have, we answer pretty honestly that we don’t have a preference. But, really, I’ve always figured that having a girl would be the easier way to start things out. Maybe it’s my experience with one too many rambunctious young cousins, but having a boy has always seemed like starting out on hard mode. Outside of the rampant and uncontrollable stream of urination when they are infants, they grow to enjoy hitting things and running and smashing one thing into another thing while making “pew, pew” noises. Girls of course have their fair share of stereotyped difficulties, but it seems like those occur a little bit later on, allowing for a more gradual learning curve.

Thinking about family in terms of continuity is an interesting exercise. The pressures I can feel and anticipate around having a child are bad enough, but if I was really weighing some of the more classic notions about what it is to extend the family name into a new generation, I think I’d have an ulcer. It’s no surprise to me that no one before the early 1900s seemed to have any fun at all.

Most everyone already assumes Janelle is having a boy, including my father. It’s the overwhelming majority of guesses from all her co-workers as well. Popular consensus is that since she is really only gaining weight and size in her belly that she’s carrying a boy. I’m not convinced, but then again, I have no basis not to be.

So, while my preference may be to start off with a girl, having a boy does have its benefits. Perhaps my first words to him should be “Well, Scarpelli, now it’s your problem.”

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  1. #1 by kristin on April 12, 2010 - 7:30 AM

    My dad might argue with you on the learning curve with girls vs boys. But either way, I’m sure it’ll be quite a ride!

  2. #2 by Badmoodman on April 13, 2010 - 6:51 AM

    “To the extent of my knowledge of my family, I am the last of the Scarpelli men on this continent.”

    – – Your second cousin Michael (Mickey, my Uncle Pete’s son) Scarpelli, whom I’m not sure you’ve ever met, has a couple of sons that are older than you. Still, it’d be nice to have a strain of *our* DNA out there to torture the masses.

(will not be published)